For Them


At a certain point I realized that I disdained the things I most admired

Attempted to trash the relationships I most desired

The more I felt for someone it seemed, the more

I exploited/abused/manipulated hopefully lovingly

It took time to see and understand how
Every time I felt a failure in someone else's eyes
In an avoiding way I'd try to disguise my fear of rejection
By blaming whoever for what/ how/ wherever
I'm here to share and hope it helps to know Im finally getting it clear
It has been hard to acknowledge the extent of my fear
It was so scary to begin to understand and to see
The things that I did to fool myself and avoid taking responsibility

To understand fully/wholly/completely/quintessentially.

That perfection is us, striving to be, expressed as
All That Is or The Mystic Law,
And also as in I of I and I which again is we
Yes perfection is exactly you and me
I cannot know the future precisely, but I can estimate what it holds
I was told, and chose to believe fully, wholly, completely,
That a brighter view, a better world, a happier me was more than a possibility.
I found someone who is able to balance my books
I often do the washing up before and after I cook
I'm learning to go to bed when I should,
I can get up when I need
As defined by myself not by how long Ive been watching tv or reading.
Ive paid off nearly all my debts, I've refused to borrow any more
Its bin long since I shouted in public, I used to bellow and roar.
Im better at sticking to a subject and finishing the thought
I even keep a check of all the things Ive bought.
I'm over eating less; I drink less often to excess,
It's bin years since I got so stoned, I couldn't undress.
I now can make myself a budget and pretty much stick to it with ease
Soon my tastes will be so healthy Ill eat anything I please
All the wobbly blubber I'm exercising it will firm
Cos look speaking Dutch, Im pretty fluent
I promised and I did learn
I eat dinner at the table, sitting down,  
with partner and when she's there with my child
And when she tries to wind me up I'm much less likely get riled.
Ive changed and created so much for myself over all the years
I really got a handle on so many of my fears
Gratitude is a core of the teaching so this is to express my deep thanks
To all the members and the leaders who have given me a shove
I am truly, profoundly grateful I can see now, that that, is love
I learnt that all is possible, the effort isn't such a strain
When one is a Bodhisattva of the earth again.
True success avoids compromise when we chant to make our dreams real
Abundance and consistency of Buddhist practise is the price of the deal
Its simple, its not easy, but I have made the choice
To lay the foundations to world peace with the efforts of my voice.
So, forward, onward, upward, striving, laughing as we go
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.

Comments

  1. I can hear your voice when I read your words. Such an intimate, revealing and honest piece.

    ReplyDelete

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